• Cassandre Quan

Sexual Myth Busting – Are women allowed to strongly desire sex?

This month, we focus on busting some myths related to sex. Sexual myths are pretty darn common in our North American culture! In this week’s blog, we are going to address the following myth – Women don’t desire sex that much!


* We are referring to myths related to cisgender women in this blog.


Generally, when a cisgender man desires sex and/or is having a lot of it, he is usually seen as “normal”. However, when a woman expresses strong desire to have sex, she may be at risk of getting judged. She may even be labelled as a “slut” or a “whore”.


Oxford Languages defines slut shaming as “the action or fact of stigmatizing a woman for engaging in behavior judged to be promiscuous or sexually provocative” (Oxford Languages). This can negatively impact women in a number of different ways. Here are a couple of examples: one, it is common for women to internalize the message that her authentic, sexual desires are wrong and something to be ashamed of. Two, if she were to connect sexually in ways that are judged by others – she may face limitations on her social connections and partner opportunities.

How do you think this all began? Yes, gender inequality but there’s also the stigma around virginity and what it represents for women. A woman who has not yet had sex is often considered “pure”, “desirable”, “clean” and a “good girl”. These positive descriptions of virgins reinforce the idea that women who choose to have sex are “not as good”.


The stigma around virginity has paved the road for women to be cautious when it comes to their sexual activity. Sure, it is helpful to be intentional around sex, however, this stigma has instilled fear and insecurity in many women. They can often doubt their decisions and fear the judgment for “losing her flower”. We often wonder how these ideas impact women's’ sexual/romantic relationship(s) and their sense of self?


Overall, the message that women should not significantly desire (and have lot of sex) is a TOTAL myth. Sure, some women have a little bit of sexual desire, some have a high sex drive and some women do not desire sex at all. This applies to men too! Myths about sex put us all at risk of making assumptions about ourselves and other people.


We highly encourage everyone to reflect on their own ideas about sex and where did these beliefs come from?


If you are looking to learn more about sexual myths, check out this month’s podcast. You are welcome to contact us if you would like support on healing from these sexual myths and improving your sexual sense of self.