100 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married

Most couples spend more time planning their wedding than they do preparing for their marriage. That is not a criticism. It is a pattern, and it is worth naming. The conversations that predict long-term relationship satisfaction are not the ones about venues or guest lists. They are the ones about money, family, conflict, values, and what each person actually needs to feel close to someone over a lifetime.

This post is not a checklist to complete before the ceremony. It is a framework for conversations worth having before you commit. Some of these questions will be easy. Others will open something up. All of them are worth sitting with.

If you want support working through these conversations with a trained facilitator, premarital counselling at Relationship Matters Therapy Centre offers exactly that.

Why These Conversations Matter Before Marriage

According to Statistics Canada, people who are in a couple are more likely to report high satisfaction with their personal relationships than those who are not, with 72% of partnered Canadians reporting high relationship satisfaction compared to 49% of those who are single. Committed relationships are a meaningful source of wellbeing. They are also one of the most complex things two people navigate together.

The Vanier Institute of the Family notes that while marriage remains the predominant type of union in Canada, fewer Canadians are choosing to marry, and those who do are waiting longer. The average age of first marriage in Canada is now 31.5 years. Canadians are, on the whole, more intentional about commitment than previous generations. That intentionality is worth honouring with equally intentional preparation.

The questions below are organised by theme. You do not need to get through all of them in one conversation. The goal is not to arrive at a perfect set of answers. It is to understand how each of you thinks, what matters to you, and where your assumptions about the future might differ from your partner's.

100 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married

Values, Vision, and What You Are Building Together

These are the foundation questions. They are also the ones couples most often assume they already know the answers to.

1. What does a good life look like to you in 10 years?

2. What does marriage mean to you, practically and emotionally?

3. What are your non-negotiables in a relationship?

4. How important is religion or spirituality in your life, and what role do you want it to play in our home?

5. Do you want children? If so, how many and when?

6. If we cannot have biological children, what would you want to do?

7. How do you want to divide household responsibilities?

8. Where do you want to live long term?

9. How do you feel about relocating for a career opportunity?

10. What does success mean to you?

Money, Finances, and Security

Financial stress is one of the most common sources of conflict in relationships. Most couples avoid this conversation until they are in the middle of a crisis. Our post on managing financial stress in relationships goes deeper on how money patterns affect the relationship itself.

11. What is your current financial situation, including debt, savings, and income?

12. How do you think we should handle money as a couple: joint accounts, separate accounts, or both?

13. How do you feel about debt? Is there a level you would consider unacceptable?

14. What are your financial goals in the next five years?

15. How do you make big financial decisions?

16. What does financial security mean to you?

17. How do you feel about one partner earning significantly more than the other?

18. How do you handle money when you are stressed?

19. What are your expectations around financial contributions if one of us stops working?

20. How do you feel about supporting family members financially?

Family, In-Laws, and Boundaries

How each partner relates to their family of origin shapes almost everything in a marriage. Understanding those patterns before marriage is worth more than discovering them through conflict later.

21. How close are you to your family, and what does that look like in practice?

22. What role do you expect your family to play in our lives as a couple?

23. How do you handle disagreements with your family?

24. What are your expectations around holidays and family events?

25. If a family member disapproved of our relationship, how would you handle that?

26. How do you feel about setting limits with family when it affects our relationship?

27. What does your relationship with your parents look like, and how has it shaped you?

28. Are there unresolved family dynamics you are still working through?

29. How do you feel about my relationship with my family?

30. What does loyalty to family mean to you?

Understanding how attachment patterns from family of origin show up in adult relationships can be one of the most clarifying things a couple does before committing.

Parenting, Children, and Raising a Family

If children are part of the picture, the differences in how each partner was raised tend to show up most sharply here.

31. What values do you most want to pass on to children?

32. How were you disciplined as a child, and what do you want to do differently or the same?

33. How do you feel about screen time, education style, and extracurricular activities?

34. Who takes primary responsibility for childcare, or how would we share it?

35. How would we handle a child with significant health or developmental needs?

36. How do you feel about raising children in a particular religion or without one?

37. What does a good parent look like to you?

38. How would having children change our relationship, and are we prepared for that?

39. What are your expectations around extended family involvement in raising children?

40. How do you feel about childcare outside the home?

Communication and Conflict

How a couple handles disagreement is more predictive of long-term relationship satisfaction than how compatible they feel in good times. Our post on communication and boundaries in relationships covers many of the patterns that shape this.

41. How do you typically handle conflict?

42. What does a fair argument look like to you?

43. What do you need from a partner when you are upset?

44. What is your instinct when you feel criticised?

45. Do you tend to go quiet or push for resolution during conflict?

46. What topics feel hardest to talk about with me?

47. Have you ever said something in an argument you genuinely regretted?

48. How long does it usually take you to recover after a disagreement?

49. What does an apology need to include to feel real to you?

50. How do you feel about getting outside help, like therapy, when we are stuck?

Intimacy, Sex, and Physical Connection

Conversations about intimacy are often left entirely to chance in early relationships. They become urgent when something shifts. Starting earlier creates a foundation that makes those shifts easier to navigate.

51. How important is physical intimacy to you in a long-term relationship?

52. How do you communicate what you want or need physically?

53. How do you handle it when our desire levels are different?

54. What does emotional intimacy mean to you, and how do you build it?

55. How comfortable are you talking openly about sex?

56. Are there aspects of intimacy that feel difficult to bring up?

57. What makes you feel close to me outside of physical connection?

58. How do you feel about affection in public?

59. How do you think intimacy changes over the course of a long relationship?

60. What would you do if one of us lost interest in sex for an extended period?

Individual Identity, Growth, and Independence

Marriages that sustain over time tend to involve two people who continue to grow individually, not just together.

61. What do you need to feel like yourself outside of our relationship?

62. How do you feel about time apart, including separate trips or friendships?

63. What are your individual goals for the next decade?

64. How do you feel about one partner pursuing significant further education or a career change?

65. What does personal freedom mean to you within a committed relationship?

66. How do you handle it when your partner needs space?

67. Are there parts of your life you want to keep separate from our relationship?

68. How do you maintain your sense of self when a relationship is going through a hard season?

69. What are the things you do just for yourself that you would not want to give up?

70. How do you feel about your partner having close friendships with people they have been attracted to?

Mental Health, Wellbeing, and Support

Mental health affects every dimension of a relationship. Knowing how each partner relates to their own wellbeing, and what they need from a partner during hard times, is essential groundwork.

71. Have you experienced anxiety, depression, or another mental health concern? How do you manage it?

72. What does support look like to you when you are struggling?

73. How do you feel about therapy, either individually or as a couple?

74. Have you experienced trauma that still affects you? Have you had support for it?

75. How do you handle stress, and what do you need from me during stressful periods?

76. What does a hard season in your life tend to look like from the outside?

77. How do you feel about asking for help?

78. Have there been periods in your life when you were not okay? What helped?

79. How would you want me to respond if I noticed you were not doing well?

80. What is your relationship with substances like alcohol, and how do you feel about that in our home?

Trust, Fidelity, and Long-Term Commitment

These conversations are uncomfortable for a reason. They are also the ones most worth having.

81. What does fidelity mean to you in a committed relationship?

82. Have you experienced infidelity, either giving or receiving it? How did it affect you?

83. What would you need if trust were broken in our relationship?

84. What does rebuilding trust look like to you after a rupture?

85. How do you define emotional infidelity?

86. What are your expectations around friendships with people your partner finds threatening?

87. What would make you consider ending our relationship?

88. How do you feel about working on a relationship that has become genuinely painful?

89. What does a commitment to this relationship mean to you in practical terms?

90. What does long-term love look like to you, not romance, but love?

The Future, Change, and Growing Together

Couples do not stay the same people. The question is whether each partner can commit to the person they are marrying, and to the people they might each become.

91. How do you handle it when your partner changes in unexpected ways?

92. What do you imagine our relationship looking like in 25 years?

93. How do you want to age, and what do you want our lives to look like as we get older?

94. How do you feel about caring for ageing parents, either yours or mine?

95. What does retirement mean to you, and how do we plan for it together?

96. How do you want to handle grief and loss as a couple?

97. What is something about you that you think will stay the same no matter what?

98. What is something about you that you hope will change?

99. Is there anything about yourself you have not told me that you think I should know?

100. What do you most need from me over the course of a life together?

How Premarital Counselling Can Help You Work Through These Questions

Reading a list of questions is one thing. Having the conversations well is another. Many couples find that they can start a topic easily enough, but something gets in the way of going deeper: one partner shuts down, the conversation tips into conflict, or there is a sense that the stakes are too high to be fully honest.

Premarital counselling provides a structured space to have these conversations with support. At Relationship Matters Therapy Centre, our premarital counselling program uses the Prepare/Enrich framework, facilitated by Kristina Beifuss, MDiv., RP. Prepare/Enrich is one of the most widely used and researched premarital assessment tools available. It helps couples identify their strengths, surface the areas worth more attention, and build the communication tools to navigate both. It is not about finding reasons not to get married. It is about starting a marriage with more clarity and more confidence.

If you and your partner are preparing for marriage and want support working through what matters most, Relationship Matters Therapy Centre offers premarital counselling in Cambridge, Kitchener, and Waterloo, and online counselling for couples across Ontario.

These Questions Are a Starting Point, Not a Finish Line

There is no version of this conversation where you arrive at perfect alignment on everything. You will not agree on every answer, and you should not expect to. The value of these questions is not consensus. It is understanding. Knowing where each of you stands, where you are compatible, where you will need to negotiate, and where you will need to grow is more useful preparation for a marriage than any checklist.

The couples who navigate long-term commitment well are not the ones who started out with identical values and preferences. They are the ones who built a habit of honest conversation early, and kept it going.

Disclaimer: This article is for general informational purposes only and is not a substitute for couples therapy, individual therapy, or professional mental health support. Every relationship is different, and the right support depends on your specific situation.