The (Expanded) Sandwich Generation: When Caregiving Spreads Too Thin

Let’s talk about the emotional version of a Costco-sized sandwich: Three generations. One Piece holding it all together. Zero breathing room. 

This isn’t just about cramped bathrooms or whose turn it is to do the dishes. This is about carrying it all — the child care, the elder care, the emotional care — while pretending you’re not crumbling under the weight of being everyone’s everything.

No one really talks about it. Not in a way that feels true.

Sure, we can laugh about packing school lunches while managing prescription schedules, but what about the identity crisis that creeps in when you realize you don’t belong to yourself anymore?

You’re Not Just Overwhelmed. You’re Overloaded.

Being “sandwiched” isn’t just a millennial problem; it’s a relational one. It’s the quiet pressure to parent differently than you were parented… while trying not to rupture the relationship with your own parents. It’s trying to create structure for your kids while absorbing the unpredictability of aging family members. It’s working from home while fielding school emails, vet appointments, pharmacy runs, and subtle guilt from all directions.

And in the middle of it all: you.

Not because you asked for it, but because there wasn’t anyone else to do it.

“The sandwich generation doesn’t just exist because of family values,” says RMTC co-founder and therapist Jason Carrasco. “It exists because of broken systems. There’s no support, so the burden falls back onto individuals. Usually, one individual in particular.”

***(And spoiler: it’s usually the person reading this blog.)***

This Isn’t About Blame. It’s About Reality.

Most of the clients we work with aren’t trying to escape caregiving. They love their families. They show up because they care. They’re the glue, the compass, the ones everyone else leans on.

But the cost? → Their own nervous systems. Their intimacy. Their sense of self.

“We’re seeing more clients care for kids, parents, and grandparents — all at once,” shares therapist and co-founder Carling Mashinter. “Even in cultures where this wasn’t the norm, people are now living multigenerational lives out of necessity. And with that comes enormous emotional complexity that’s rarely acknowledged.”

And that’s the whole point.

You’re not just burned out — you’re holding the emotional centre of an entire ecosystem.

You’re doing everything “right”... but it still doesn’t feel like enough. No wonder resentment shows up. Or grief. Or moments where you don’t recognize yourself anymore.

You are not weak for feeling this. You are responding to a dynamic that would break most people. And therapy? It’s where you get to unpack the sandwich.

When Your Identity Gets Lost in the Care Work

There’s a silent grief that shows up when your identity becomes synonymous with utility.

You stop being you and start being:

• the scheduler

• the nurse

• the bedtime wrangler

• the emotional interpreter

• the financial bridge

• the holiday organizer

• the calm in the storm

And what makes it harder?

You feel guilty even naming that grief, like it’s a betrayal of the people you love.

But let’s be clear: It’s not selfish to want space. It’s not ungrateful to want support. It’s not weak to admit this isn’t sustainable.

“When caregiving becomes your entire identity, the loss of self can feel like a low-grade hum of sadness or numbness,” says Carling. “It’s not always explosive. It’s just… always there.”

Let’s Talk About Boundaries (and the Fear That Comes With Them)

Setting limits when you’re the go-to person can feel like inviting chaos.

What happens if you say no?

Who will step up if you take a break?

Will people be angry? Will they suffer? Will they stop trusting you?

We get it. You’re not just managing tasks. You’re managing emotions, expectations, and a whole stack of “what ifs,” but here’s what therapy can help you explore: What are your actual limits — not just the ones you’re afraid to name? How has your worth been tied to over-functioning? What would change if “doing less” didn’t mean you’re less?

Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away. They’re about creating room to stay connected, without losing yourself.

This Isn’t a Crisis of Capacity. It’s a Crisis of Support.

You’re not failing. You’re functioning in a system that expects one person to do the job of many with little recognition and even less resourcing.

“We’re seeing people in multigenerational homes managing everything from child care and elder care to work-from-home dynamics and complex family negotiations,” Jason says. “The mental, emotional, and financial load is staggering.”

That’s why therapy matters. Not because it solves everything overnight, but because it gives you the space you rarely get — to be held, heard, and human.

To process what’s yours.

To let go of what isn’t.

And to build a life that’s led by intention, not obligation.

You Are Not the Problem.

You’re part of a generation navigating broken systems with open hearts and overextended hands… But it doesn’t have to stay this way.

Let’s unlearn the myth that your worth is measured by your exhaustion.

Let’s rebuild your relationship with rest, support, and enough-ness.

Let’s turn survival mode into something that resembles a life.

📍 Therapy can help you reclaim space in your day, in your relationships, and yourself.

Book a consultation with Relationship Matters Therapy Centre today.

Virtual & in-person therapy available across Ontario, from the GTA and Grand River Area to Northern and rural communities.

We’re here to help you feel human, not just “handled.”