• Natasha Lacelle

The Penis Blog

*Penis: a male erectile organ of copulation by which urine and semen are discharged from the body and that develops from the same embryonic mass of tissue as the clitoris (Merriam-Webster, Penis, n.d.).

**Cisgender: of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity corresponds with the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth (Merriam-Webster, Cisgender, n.d.)

Alright let’s talk about the birds and the bees. I mean, no. We are in 2021. Let us have a conversation about sex. We often find that many are misinformed about sex and all the bits and bobs surrounding it.

It’s November. What better month than to talk about men’s sexual health! Some even refer to it as Movember. This month is generally used to bring awareness to men’s mental and physical health.

The *penis. A magnificent bold appendage smack dab in the middle front of the **cisgender male body. It provides the seed to start new life, brings pleasure to the owner (most times) and can provide pleasure to others as well. It is able to bypass a couple of different liquids as well as a solid few kidney stones if you are one of the unlucky recipients. But what happens when not everything works as it should? What happens when it doesn’t rise to the occasion or does not perform on “opening day”?

There is this common myth that has been spread around for ages and haunts male teens and grown men – penis size matters. You may be worshipped if your penis appears to hardly be contained behind the zipper of your jeans. Your adequacy may be questioned if your penis length does not match the length of your shoe size. In other words, your penis must possess the size of a horse and be as strong as steel or you do not “measure up”! Or so…says our society *eye roll*. However, the length of a penis is not what determines good sex.


First of all, not all people enjoy penile penetration. If your partner enjoys oral sex or manual stimulation (i.e. "fingering") than the length of your penis does not really matter. There are many spots on and in the body that can provide pleasure or roll out an orgasm that only requires 2 inches of penis or less. If your partner has a clitoris, no penetration needed there. Your hand or tongue will do the trick just fine! Have you heard of the G- spot? If you are a vulva owner, you likely have one of these. The Planned Parenthood website states that “There’s a small area called the Grafenberg spot, or G-spot, inside the vagina. It’s located about an inch or so inside the vaginal opening on the upper vaginal wall — closest to the bellybutton” (Amy, 2010).

If you are the owner of a penis, you might have heard of the prostate aka the P-spot. “The prostate is a small gland about the size of a walnut that is located in the middle of a man’s pelvis,situated between the penis (in front) bladder (above) and rectum (behind). It can be indirectly accessed for means of sexual stimulation either through insertion of a finger in the anus or by massaging the perineum, the landing strip of skin located between the testicles and anus.” (Naveed Saleh M.D., 2014). If you’re looking to stimulate the prostate, you will not have to reach much further than 2 inches inside the rectum.

If you focus all of your attention on size and how you measure up in bed, you may build up so much anxiety around the situation, you’re going to give yourself a situation. We are assuming you have heard of performance anxiety… this is what we mean! After all, good sex is one that you have in your body. Bad sex can happen when you are stuck in your head.

Stress has a huge impact on your ability to get and maintain an erection. Anxiety has a way of creeping up like a surprise hard-on in the middle of a sex education movie in high school. Even stress surrounding other things like work, family issues and money can cause issues under the sheets. Here are some ways to manage stress that could enhance your pleasure during sex: try tackling money worries with a budget calculator, write out your feelings in a journal, speak to your family member to resolve the issue in your relationship.

All in all, penis size does not matter so much when it comes to sexual pleasure! Getting a boner or keeping an erection is hard stuff when you are stressed or feeling anxiety about penis size/performance. It can really helpful to chip away at the pressure you are putting on yourself (and your penis). Addressing stressful situations in other areas of your life can really support your erections and potentially enhance your pleasure during sex!

If you want some tips on maximizing wellness read our other blogs on How to Be Well and Maximizing your Wellness.

If you enjoyed reading this blog in particular and you wish to further your knowledge we suggest reading “The Penis Book” by Dr. Aaron Spitz!

Need support with penis related matters? Please do not hesitate to contact Relationship Matters Therapy Centre today! We have therapists who specialize in sex therapy and would be happy to help support you in having better sex.